The Script Doctor Savages Star Trek: Picard: “A Series Of Bandages Wrapped Around Countless Lacerations And Broken Bones”
YouTuber The Script Doctor just posted his reviews for the final two episodes of Star Trek: Picard and he did not let back, as he systematically savaged the show and even introduced a number of new words to describe just how awful it is.
The Script Doctor begins his review by describing the last two episodes of Star Trek: Picard as “meaningless.” He states, “The last two episodes of Star Trek: Picard have not only reinforced the meaningless of this show, they’ve solidified it beyond any doubt.”
He adds, “Even trying to break these final two episodes down for a cogent review is something quite difficult to do, because the content itself is so nonsensical and at the same time so unimaginative, it has compelled me to come up with a new term to explain this approach to writing.”
That new term is “Chabon” named after Picard showrunner Michael Chabon.
The Script Doctor explains the new word means “To possess an extreme amount of derivative ignorance. To be willfully uninformed and refuse to exercise imagination when tasked with creating a story. To execute poorly based on aforementioned defined traits.”
Not only does he coin the term “Chabon,” but he also coins the term Akiva for Akiva Goldsman, Picard’s executive producer.
He defines Akiva to mean, “To win a single award for an Adaptation of someone else’s work and exploit it for decades in an attempt to maintain a subpar career.”
He goes on to also define the term Kurtzman. “To master the formula of failure. To misunderstand the difference between theft and homage. To never achieve individual success and have no sense of creativity or conviction. To parasite off others more skillful and talented and repurpose existing ideas.”
Later in his review, The Script Doctor states, “And that’s what episodes 9 and 10 are. A series of bandages wrapped around countless lacerations and broken bones, desperately trying to hold the patient that is Star Trek: Picard together just long enough to make it to the end.”
He specifically takes issue with the fact that the crew decides to see if there are any exborg survivors after the ship crash lands.
The Script Doctor explains, “After surviving the crash landing and learning that the ship is without power, our crew has two choices. Go to Soji’s home and warn the synths that the Romulans are coming to attack or check in on the Borg cub. Obviously with time being of the essence, it is imperative that they avoid the goal of the show and see if there are any exborg survivors.”
He adds, “That’s just a waste of time for the sake of exposition. And since they are not giving us anything new development wise with Elnor or Seven of Nine in this sequence, it becomes completely useless.”
Another issue The Script Doctor takes issue with is a Vulcan mind meld between the synthetic leader Sutra and Jurati. He states, “How an android is supposed to perform a Vulcan mind meld escapes me. Perhaps the writers think telepathy and wi-fi are fundamentally the same.”
The Script Doctor also takes issue with character inconsistencies especially between Raffi and Picard. He explains, “Raffi is given a device from a synth to fix their ship before leaving Picard and Jurati behind. She thanks Picard for everything he’s done for her and then the two exchange ‘I love you’s.’ Yup, just another example of character inconsistency. The writers must have forgotten, but Picard has not done anything to help Raffi this entire season. Unless she’s thanking him for that bottle of wine he brought her in episode 3.”
He elaborates, “So far Raffi has gotten Picard a ship, traded her last friend in Starfleet for a set of diplomatic credentials, and somehow uncovered the secrets of the Zhat Vash. What has Picard done for Raffi? He gave her a round of applause.”
The Script Doctor also questions how these synthetic life forms are more advanced if they can be damaged just as easily as organics after explaining that Sutra used Narek to kill one of her own.
He states, “It’s a very perplexing story beat. Aside from being disintegrated like Dhaj, how can synths die? Atlan finds Saga stabbed in the eye and grieves. But can he not repair her? He was the one that built her!”
He then questions, “Even if that object damaged her brain, he should have enough skill to fix her up. Otherwise, how are these synths any more advanced than organics if they can be destroyed just as easily?”
Moving on to the final episode, The Script Doctor takes issue with the crew’s plan to deactivate a beacon that will summon a synthetic army to wipe out organic life.
“What bothers me is how none of them thought to fly the now repaired ship over to the synth compound and destroy the beacon with its phasers,” he explains.
He then takes issue with the continuity of the episode, “I do have to pause for a moment, because I am recounting this episode with better narrative structure and editing that the show actually depicts.”
He continues, “You see, between the scenes of Jurati stealing the eye and freeing Picard, that’s when the campfire scene happens. Which takes place at night and the other two scenes take place during the day. Meaning that Jurati held on to this eye for several hours, and Atlan Soong who is monitoring the download of Saga’s mind, didn’t notice that tshe’s missing her other eye!”
Another issue he takes with the final episode is Atlan’s impotence to reveal Sutra’s treachery and instruct the other synths to stop constructing the beacon.
The Script Doctor explains, “As a result, Atlan deactivates Sutra, but doesn’t reveal her treacherous nature to the rest of the synths. Instead, he lets them carry out the construction. He can stop this right now all he has to do is say, ‘Sutra lied, and I have proof!'”
One of the biggest complaints The Script Doctor has in regards to continuity is the show’s lack of understanding of Star Trek technology. He points this out during the sequence when Riker threatens to destroy the Romulans.
The Script Doctor details, “He threatens Oh by stating that all his ships have targeted the warp core of each Romulan vessel. Except the Romulans don’t have warp cores. They use an artificial quantum singularity reactor. Basically a black hole.”
He continues, “For a show that spends every single episode exposing us to Romulans, the writers don’t really know the first thing about established Romulan technology or culture. Heck, as I’ve demonstrated in previous reviews, the writers of Star Trek: Picard don’t even understand character consistency or goals.”
He also takes issue with certain lines of dialogue, the lack of consequences for certain character’s actions like Oh’s espionage, representation for representation sake, and the lack of resolution in regards to a number of questions regarding the fate of Narek, the beacon, and others.
The Script Doctor concludes his review describing Picard as a “story built on the foundation of Star Trek: The Next Generation without really adding anything to it.”
He adds, “It is literally just a poor artificial copy without a soul.”
What do you make of The Script Doctor’s review? What did you think of the final two episodes of Star Trek: Picard?
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