Bounding Into Halloween Is Going PG on Night 14 With ‘Killer Klowns From Outer Space’ & ‘The Monster Squad’
I don’t know about the rest of you, but I can still hear that unseen popping sound from the end of A Serbian Film from last night, and don’t bother trying to remember what I’m talking about because you’re better off forgetting it.
That’s why I’m delivering a palate-cleanser this evening featuring two classics that manage to entertain horror fans, and without the unofficial “seal of approval” that comes with an R rating. Come join us in the YA section, if you have the nards…
Killer Klowns From Outer Space (1988)
WELCOME, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!!!
Come one, come all! Step right up, and witness the greatest show on Earth, or any other planet for that matter! Hide your family, your pets, and your popcorn! Because the carnival has come to town, and it’s time to carve that face into a frown!
What started as a quiet, low-key night of making out for young California couple, Mike (Grant Cramer) and Debbie (Suzanne Snyder), turned into a sideshow that not even their own worst nightmare could produce. They witness what looks like a fallen star crashing into a field nearby, and the dopey duo goes to investigate, but little did they know that the “star” is a giant spaceship in the shape of an otherworldly circus tent.
Only this circus doesn’t feature tightrope walkers, magicians, jugglers, Juggalos, or enslaved animals. The main attraction is a race of alien clown who’ve come to terrorize the locals with carnivorous shadow puppets, acid pies, and ray guns that not only trap their victims inside a cotton candy cocoon, but it basically turns them into a giant Carpi Sun pouch for the clowns to drink.
Since the prospect of scoring has been completely vaporized, Mike tries saving his town from the hungry-hungry harlequins, and the Terenzi brothers will be joining the fight.
Hands down one of the best movies of the 1980s, it’s a glorious celebration of camp, colorphobia, practical effects, and without a single popcorn kernel of Computer Generated Imagery to offend the eye.
John Vernon (Animal House, Outlaw Josey Wales, Rupert Thorne in Batman: The Animated Series) is the only actor in the movie that most people would recognize, but it’s hard to deny that Officer Dave (John Allen Nelson) looks like he could’ve been part of some top secret cloning experiment that saw the successful merging of Kyle MacLachlan and James Spader’s DNA.
Killer Klowns From Outer Space is streaming for free on Prime, and below is the official (and extremely Low-Res) music video for the movie:
RELATED: Developer Illfonic Releases Trailer For Their Next Slasher Adaptation, ‘Halloween: The Game’
The Monster Squad (1987)
If the last movie didn’t kick every last boomer out there right in the nostalgia nuts then get ready for the death blow. This underappreciated gem is The Goonies for horror fans.
It brings legends from the distant past into the relatively more recent past to show that true classics never go out of style, and that if one is not wary, the Creature will steal their Twinkie.
In 1887, the US congress passed the Interstate Commerce Act that would become the first of many laws to regulate private industry, and it led to a never-ending cycle of economic decomposition for the many decades to follow.
It’s also the year that Dr. Van Helsing (Jack Gwillim) tried to defeat Count Dracula (an underrated performance by Duncan Regehr) by sending him to limbo with a magical amulet that has the ability to open the portal to this dark domain on one night every one hundred years.
Let’s just say that Van Helsing and his mob of fearless vampire killers completely blew it. A century passes, and Dracula emerges from the shadows to assemble of squad of fellow classic Universal horror monsters comprised of Wolfman (Jonathan Gries), Mummy (Michael Reid Mackay), the Twinkie-thieving Gill-man (the great Tom Woodruff, Jr.), and the reluctant creation of Dr. Frankenstein (Tom Noonan).
The count intends to destroy the amulet before one of his enemies can use it to open the doors to limbo, but he didn’t expect to meet Sean (Andre Gower) and his horror club.
Not only do these neophyte nightmare-addicts know everything about the monsters, and how to beat them, but they also have the Scary German Guy (late/great Leonard Cimino) on their side.
There are plot holes big enough to drop a coffin through, but the same can be said about many great 80s movies, and all of the one-liners are still great. It’s also an entertaining homage to old school horror during a time when the landscape was dominated by slashers and gore fests.
Go watch The Monster Squad on Pluto TV, and find out for yourself that there’s only one way to kill a werewolf. Here’s the trailer:
