‘Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire’ Review – Balderdash Of The Titans
Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire takes place a few years after the events that unfolded in its prequel, Godzilla vs. Kong, as Kong adapts to the strange and overall upside-downness of Hollow Earth while Godzilla battles the Titans above ground. But how does the whole film adapt, you’re possibly wondering?
The sole surviving member of the Iwi tribe, Jia (Kaylee Hottle) is a deaf teenager struggling to adapt to everyday life. She can communicate with Kong through sign language and is starting to get strange visions and distress signals from Hollow Earth. Her adopted mother, Dr. Ilene Andrews (Rebecca Hall), feels like she doesn’t understand her daughter.
Meanwhile, Kong finds a new ape civilization but also a new threat in the form of the Skar King – a Titan lankier than Kong and with an appearance similar to that of an orangutan or chimpanzee. He carries a whip made of a spinal column with a crystal at the end of it that he uses to control an ice-based Titan called Shimo.
As Godzilla begins absorbing radiation from all possible sources, humanity’s only hope of survival is another team-up of the two giant enemies turned infrequent allies.
In giant monster films like this, the storyline involving the humans always feels secondary, and the acting and the dialogue are also usually on the unbearable side. Unfortunately, Godzilla x Kong religiously follows this formula.
For instance, Jia (Kaylee Hottle) always has this furrowed brow to accompany a half-hearted scowl. She has the facial expression of someone who stepped in a pile of dog crap barefoot but didn’t have time to wash her feet before putting on socks and shoes.
Her mother rubs off on her a little. Being a scientist, you’d think Dr. Andrews was at least somewhat intelligent, but she’s a borderline idiot. She ignores blatant story points because she’s too busy wondering if her daughter will return home with her after Godzilla and Kong put the kibosh on Skar King.
This is somewhat of a spoiler, but Dr. Andrews sees Jia with some of the Iwi running through the forest doing the laziest form of ribbon dancing you’ve ever seen and thinks, “Wow, she really belongs here.”
Other human characters are just as bad. Brian Tyree Henry returns as the rambling podcaster Bernie Hayes. Bernie is helpful for one central story point, but his unbearable demeanor is passed off as the main comedic relief for the rest of the movie.
Dan Stevens is the closest thing to entertaining amongst the human characters. Stevens plays Trapper, a veterinarian specializing in gigantic monsters and Hollow Earth creatures. His charisma and on-screen presence are amusing, but his dialogue (and everyone else’s, for that matter) is atrocious.
Godzilla x Kong is a Kong movie. His Hollow Earth adventure is much more interesting than Godzilla’s absorbed radiation and wait-to-be-needed approach. However, Godzilla sleeping like a cat in an abandoned coliseum in Italy is fantastic.
There’s been a rumor that a Son of Kong film could be in the works, and that could certainly be a possibility after the introduction of the juvenile ape Titan Suko.
Suko is an obnoxious brat who eventually realizes that Kong is awesome and starts helping him out. Suko’s highlight is when Kong starts swinging him around as a weapon during a fight – because who hasn’t dreamt of using a misbehaving toddler as a pair of nunchucks?
The film’s best part isn’t as epic as it should be. All of the Titan action is the highlight, but the special effects are often pretty wonky. The CGI struggles between having decent detail and looking blobby, rushed, and not $135 million budget-worthy.
If and when another Monsterverse movie gets greenlit, you can visualize opportunities for Kong. Hollow Earth is this surreal and vast new world that audiences have barely seen. The Monsterverse version of Kong is also awesome.
Godzilla doesn’t have anything to do in future installments, so I suggest that he goes to space to fight SpaceGodzilla while Kong battles new enemies in Hollow Earth. It feels like Godzilla gets the short end of the stick more and more since King of the Monsters.
Godzilla x Kong is like eating too much of your favorite candy and almost throwing up because of the stomach ache it gives you. Kong and Godzilla have never been more fabulous. Kong’s power glove and pink Godzilla are spectacular, and that anti-gravity sequence where Kong rides Godzilla all too briefly is incredible.
Sadly, with its horrid dialogue, all-too-simplistic story, human characters who deserve to be mercilessly stomped or chewed on, and rough CGI, Godzilla x Kong is the definition of a lousy movie turned guilty pleasure that despite its flaws, possesses some epic moments smashing and bashing their way into kaiju royalty.
NEXT: ‘Late Night with the Devil’ Review – Hypnotically Hellacious Horror
Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire (2024), Warner Bros. Pictures
PROS
- Anything without dialogue
- Case in point, the Hollow Earth action and landscapes
CONS
- Humans
- Most CGI
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