Welcome back, X-Fans and EX-X-Fans!
It is I, dawdling Dante Aaricks, coming to you with an X-tremely late report on Xavier’s graduated class of gifted youngsters. There isn’t much for you ravenous readers to devour, but hopefully there’s still enough to keep you from feasting on each other (or me!). After the big set-up of X-Men #1, this issue opens with a big alien invasion that falls flatter than a month-old two-liter of pop.
Cyke & the gang pull up to San Francisco in the Marauder after an X-ceedingly late-blooming mutant’s powers are activated, and (if they have time) help defend the city against a massive fleet of aliens that all look like Brainiac’s Skull ship had it been designed by H.P. Lovecraft.
This newborn mutant is but one of the many denizens of the city’s street gutter, and the one responsible for the “invasion” taking place. I am certain that all of you out there can use your heads to figure out how he’s doing it (hint-hint). The fight is brief, and the dialogue makes the battle banter from the previous issue seem less cringe. Whom, you ask, is responsible for most of this ache to the retinas?
You guessed it, True Believer! Kid “Ice Cream Hair” Omega…
Once again, the good people at Marvel are forcing another character upon us innocent bystanders. Quentin is like that one annoying cousin your friend always brings along whenever you go out somewhere because their moms make them, and the little Melvin becomes even more insufferable after they find out that they’re getting under your skin. This one finds it necessary to correct the team leader over codenames right before a battle.
That’s why this scribe will no longer refer to the entitled weirdo as “Kid Omega”, or even “Quentin” for that matter, but henceforth will be dubbed…Pinky. During the fight with the Lovecraft Skull Ships, Pinky uses the brain (or at least the only useful parts of it) to take over the Mass Driver, and turn Juggernaut into a projectile weapon. A neat trick, and it makes for a cool two-page spread, but it turned out to be all for naught I’m afraid. Double narf, Pinky…
Nothing really happens in this issue, and that’s disappointing after a strong start to this “revision” of the series. I will be reading this entire arc, and covering it for you fine folks. Anything after that will be entirely up to Jed MacKay, Ryan Stegman, JP Mayer, Marte Gracia, Clayton Cowles, and the corporate alien ships hovering over their shoulders. At the end of the issue is the final part of the bonus backup special, Weapon X-Traction. Featuring an awful team up of Deadpool & Wolverine that will have you jumping for joy that’s it’s the last one, and you won’t have to worry about running into again.
At the end of the issue is a new Question of the Month feature, with this month’s inquiry asking various members of the X-office “Where did you first encounter the X-Men?”
For fun, I’m going to take the time to provide my own answer.
I was seven years old, and it was the summer before second grade. My aunt was babysitting me while my parents went out partying. I was rifling through their VHS collection, and I came across a blank tape loaded with 6 hours of 80’s cartoons ripped from television, commercials and all. On this treasured but lost relic was the pilot episode for X-Men: Pryde of the X-Men.
My older cousin came home from baseball practice to see my eyes glued to the television, and these newfound characters before disappearing into his bedroom. Minutes later, he reappeared in the living room, and dropped a comic book into my lap with two instructions (along with a threat against my life if I deviated from them): Don’t steal it. Don’t get anything on it. It was X-Men #1 by Chris Claremont & Jim Lee. Thanks, Ronnie!
Feel free to drop your answers in the comments here, or over on X! Until then…see you next month, Marvelites!
