‘Abigail’ Review – A Vampire Comedy That Bleeds Itself Dry

Put yourself in the mind of Universal – the godfathers of Golden Age horror icons – and the makers of the last two Scream films. Ask yourself, what would Dracula’s Daughter be like if done today as a heist movie with blood smears of comedy?

And now we’ve set the stage.

A group of six criminals kidnaps the ballerina daughter of a powerful crime boss. If they can babysit her in a remote mansion for 24 hours, they can split $50 million. Thinking they’ll have to fight off people attempting to rescue her, the little girl named Abigail (title drop) is the one they should be pointing their guns at.

The highlight of the film is the cast. Dan Stevens is memorable in every project he’s a part of, but he’s a special kind of nasty as Frank. Everyone is hiding something in the film, and that’s the point, but Frank seems to thrive on making others squirm. He’s relentless and intimidating, and Stevens seems to be having a blast in the role.

Kevin Durand has a demeanor like Drax the Destroyer from Guardians of the Galaxy. Peter is the muscle, and his lack of intelligence and ability to express that absence of brain power makes him amusing.

Alisha Weir is quite good as the titular character Abigail. Weir is an actual dancer in real life and did most of her stunts in the film. Her performance strongly incorporates the innocence of a little girl desperate to be saved with the maniacal and sociopathic enjoyment of playing with your food before eating it.

The humor in Abigail is swing and miss, but it’s not for a lack of trying. Written by Stephen Shileds and Guy Busick (Scream 5/VI, Ready or Not), the dialogue and writing of the film will make or break your opinion of Abigail. The film’s first hour is absent of horror and focuses on the kidnapping and how well these seven individuals know each other.

As a vampire horror comedy, Abigail fails at being laugh-out-loud funny. There are some chuckle-worthy moments, but most of the humor makes it seem like everyone is trying too hard. The cast works incredibly well together, and you can sense their chemistry.

The film finds its stride once the bodies start piling up, and Abigail is the most intriguing when everyone is on screen together. However, the dialogue feels like a stand-up comedy routine that is about an hour too long.

Abigail has some of the worst marketing since the trailer spoils almost everything in the film. If you went into this film not knowing that Abigail is a vampire, the film would be much more enjoyable.

While it’s essentially the film’s selling point, hinting at the gore and who is causing it could have further intrigued audiences and enticed them to see it. Knowing from the start, you wait impatiently for the blood to spill.

Melissa Barrera’s Joey develops a different kind of relationship with Abigail than the rest of the group. Joey is in charge of tending to Abigail after she’s kidnapped, but most of these individuals would kill her if it meant getting their piece of the money that much quicker.

Joey has Abigail’s best interest in mind from the start, and without spoiling too much, it goes a long way.

The final reveal of the film seems unnecessary. Abigail builds up who her father is throughout the entire film. He has this larger-than-life persona that is well-known and feared among criminals and law enforcement.

After all the killing and bloody action has settled, he appears and claims to have come when Abigail needed him most, and well, it’s lame.

Abigail has the bickering, playful ribbing, and explosive gore of Renfield. The cast is phenomenal and has some enjoyable moments in the film.

However, once you see one enthusiastic body eruption, it becomes redundant, and the humor falls flat.

NEXT: ‘Arcadian’ Review – Inventive Creatures, Poor Showcase